Be Not Solitary
I feel alone.
That statement could be interpreted as self-pitying or some other such sneering description, but it's really not. It's just a statement of a fact and one that I wonder if will ever change.
I have both a mom and a dad (not together anymore) that both keep in touch. I have two brothers that don't speak to me or each other. I have a wonderful little daughter and a loving long-term relationship with a wonderful girl that I met 6 years ago, and they give me plenty of time & attention.
So why lonely, with all of that? I dunno. Other than those that I consider 'family', I don't really feel like I have made many friends in life.
I was raised in a strict religious order where friends with 'outsiders' was prohibited. I broke away from that in my adult life, but it's left me feeling terribly awkward when it comes to actually just "hanging out" with people because the rules are so different from what I grew up with.
I spend a lot of effort reaching out to people - people I went to school with and barely knew, people I've worked with or hung out with in the distant past and haven't seen for years, people I've 'met' online through various music or firearms related sites & e-lists. I try hard to keep up with them and some of them try back, which I always appreciate. I like a lot of those people and would like the chance to actually hang out in person - sometimes that happens too, but not too often.
Why so difficult?
posted by Centuryhouse at 9:30 PM
3 Comments:
I feel that same sort of "alone-ness" quite often.
I can definitely relate to the way you feel - it's almost scary!! When I was in my 20s I always felt awkward in social situations, almost like a phobia. I'm finally getting over that now but it took me years to feel "comfortable in my skin". I had a lot of friends in highschool and college, but after that I've only had girlfriends and now my wife.
Good luck Daniel!!
You pretty much described a lot of what I experience sometimes....I would like to hang out with you in person too. Maybe we can arrange that someday....I'd also like to meet Christy and Joel too.
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